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“Everything will be fine” – 5 other sentences that don’t work



"Everything will be fine" and 5 other sentences that don't work

We give each phrase a meaning, but we don’t always achieve the desired effect. We want to cheer up a person, but instead we see the irritation on his face. We say that they understood the point of view, but the interlocutor continues to provide arguments. Why does it happen? Let’s look at examples from the book “Hear and Understand“.

“I heard you”

Have you ever spoken to someone who heard you but didn’t understand the meaning of your words? Or did he understand, but showed no emotions, did not feel the importance of the situation? He listened but didn’t hear. In general, hearing is a feeling (our ears allow us to hear the noise), but we often say “I heard you”, which means “I understood you” or “I understood what you are talking about”. We need such an understanding and connection.

The question arises: How can you show a person that you can hear them? The best listeners don’t just listen. They try to understand and then acknowledge what they hear.

“Everything will be fine”

At first glance, these and similar sentences should be reassuring. But how do you imagine that? After hearing the words of support, will the person smile immediately and forget what happened? Of course not. The sentences with the message “Everything will be fine” and early advice usually only cause irritation, because they reduce a person’s feelings.

First you have to recognize the emotions of the other person. Take a break with tips and support. Identify a particular emotion and acknowledge it. You can say, “You are excited and I understand you.” This answer shows that you not only listened to the person, but also understood.

“Do not be sad”

From an early age, society inspires a person with which emotions he should “feel” and which not. This rule is expressed in comments such as “Don’t cry”, “Don’t worry”, “Don’t be angry”, “Be happy”, “Be more confident” and “Just enjoy life”. For some reason, people feel uncomfortable when they experience emotions and they christened them “bad”.

"Everything will be fine" and 5 other sentences that don't work
The ability to have a conversation is a subtle art. source

In fact, emotions are what they are. This is a reaction to the situation. By the end of our days, we will experience many different feelings every day. This thought was best expressed by William Shakespeare: “There is nothing good or bad; This way of thinking does everything. “The only difference is how we interpret certain emotions and how we relate to them.

“But what if there really isn’t anything to worry about (sad, angry)?” – you ask. Not important. The only important thing is that the person you are talking to is concerned and needs someone who notices and recognizes their arousal. Everyone, regardless of age, gender or IQ level, sometimes finds themselves in a similar situation when they are nervous or worried because “it is impossible” to worry. In this state, the simple “don’t worry!” (“Don’t be sad!” “Don’t be angry!”) Doesn’t help. However, if you show the other person that you understand and acknowledge their feelings, they will find a solution themselves or be more willing to listen to your ideas.

“I’m sorry you’re upset.”

We often confuse empathy with sympathy.

Sympathy means looking after another person or worrying. With sympathy, we often want him to be happier or more successful. Sympathy seems to be out of the situation (for example, “I’m sorry you are upset”). Empathy means that we are immersed in one situation and share the emotions of another (for example, “Yes, it is so sad!”). We show sympathy and sympathize with the person who is in pain. When we show empathy, we feel his pain ourselves. If you want to show empathy, you’d better say, “Yes, you’re upset. I would also be upset if I were in your place. ”

“It’s not true – you look great!”

If a person tries to speak or share a negative feeling, do not rush to give advice until asked. Don’t look for positive aspects of what’s going on and don’t say what could have been worse. This is the most common mistake.

Unwanted advice or support invalidates the feelings of the interlocutor. He will decide that it seems to you that he should feel different. Even if you understand in your heart that there is no problem, the fact remains: the person you are talking to is unhappy or angry and wants to be understood.

“I know how you feel”

If someone shares a complex emotion or experience with you, avoid the phrase, “I know very well how you feel,” even if it does. Better say, “I felt something like …” or “I know that feeling.”

If you say that you know “perfectly” how a person feels, they will most likely start making excuses. Watch your reaction when someone tells you. This is a surprisingly unrecognized phrase.

In fact, neither of us can know for sure what the other has to do in this or that change. Our thoughts and feelings are influenced by millions of sensations. Two people cannot think or feel the same thing. If you are familiar with the situation of your interlocutor, simply avoid the words “excellent” or “safe”.

It seems nonsense, but when emotions go wild, every little thing is important.

Based on the materials of the book “Hear and Understand

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How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelope



How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes

How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes

We’ve had a lot of books about relationships, but none has ever made you laugh like that.

Belinda Luscombe has been writing about relationships for Time magazine for 20 years. And she actively practiced them: her marriage is almost 30 years old. So she discovered six areas that cause the most problems – everyone: intimacy, quarrels, finances, family, sex, mutual assistance.

In the book “Happiness Together” – instructions for technical inspection of relationships. Is everything going as it should or is it time to “change the oil”? There are many situations from family life in which you will probably recognize yourself, and tips to fix anything that is junk. With a fair amount of humor.

Do we have envelopes?

Happiness together

“My husband Jeremy does it with envelopes,” Belinda says. – Every time he asks if we have envelopes, although I have already shown him a thousand times where they are. On the shelf. Next to the handles. So what? My husband, going to send a letter, each time asks: “Do we have envelopes?”

Why can some trifle, insignificant imperfection in a loved one drive you to a frenzy? Because a wedding is not a happy ending at all. Married life is like clearing a path of snow: you start out full of enthusiasm, but it turns out that the activity requires much more endurance.

Of course, people get tired of relationships. This is as natural as the fact that food goes bad and the fire goes out. But we have learned to preserve food and keep the fire going. So you can come to an agreement with nature.

We are Incorporated

Imagine your marriage is a business partnership, “We Are Incorporated.” You manage finances together. Manage children together. Both of you are managers of your property – apartments, villas, cars. You combine the duties of a chef, taxi driver, travel agent and teacher.

Use proximity as a weapon, not a weapon. Cultivate a team spirit – it helps you achieve results in tedious and tedious tasks. Discuss resentments and grievances. This means that you spend time with a person not because it is pleasant, but because you create something together – a marriage, a family, a couple.

This is called “relational thinking,” and it is the key to a long and happier marriage.

Two imperfections

Children are a laborious project, like putting together a three-dimensional puzzle, which also snaps and throws dirty clothes all over the apartment. One mother once said that upbringing is as much teamwork as robbing a bank: “One is robbing, the other is driving a car that will be used to get away.”

But remember, you are not together because of the children. Sometimes go on vacation without them. And remind yourself that it’s a good idea to nominate your partner sometimes.

Belinda Luscombe: “When my husband was looking after my son, the son fell out of the bed. When I was looking after my son, the baby fell out of the stroller. And which of us is the worst parent? ” – Source

If you think your partner is a lousy parent, try to moderate the criticism. After all, your skills are hardly perfect. This is the great meaning of having two parents: they bridge each other’s shortcomings.

Have a fight? Eat something

Belinda once asked Mark Zuckerberg what changed when Sheryl Sandberg, the first woman on the board, came to Facebook. Mark said: after her arrival, they forgot what hunger is. She made sure that there was always food on the tables during meetings.

Here’s a lesson from one of the richest women in the world: Never start an important conversation on an empty stomach.

If the relationship is broken

“Repairing” a marriage is exhausting. Sometimes it seems that getting a divorce is easier, as it is easier to buy new headphones than to untangle the wires from those that are. But think about this.

Scientists found 645 unhappy couples, and after 5 years they interviewed them. It turned out that those who got divorced did not feel happier than those who kept their marriage. And the couples who stayed together were glad they hadn’t parted.

Our thinking is aimed at solving problems, although in reality we need a different kind of thinking, “carousel”: now your horse is down, but wait a little – and it will rise again.

What else

The book “Happiness Together” will surely appeal to those who appreciate humor. Belinda will make you laugh more than once and look at relationships from a different – more funny – angle. Family life can be boring, it can be difficult, but add a healthy dose of self-irony and it turns out that everything is not so bad.

Despite the humor, the conversation will go on the most serious topics, and you will find a lot of practical advice.

  • Life lessons from the cat litter box
  • “Financial violence against a partner”: how not to swear over money
  • After hardship comes real hardship: parenting
  • What the marriage ninja do
  • Marriage without sex: the intimate side of union
  • What to do if cheating occurs

We don’t find soul mates like beautiful seashells on the beach. We become soul mates. One of us is waves, the other is sand, and together we form a wonderful beach. Marriage means that you have tied your destiny with someone and said to this person: “It looks like the journey with you will be exciting.” So make it that way.

PS Do you want to know about the most interesting books and get discounts on new items? Subscribe to our newsletter. The first letter contains a gift.

How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes

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