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How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelope



How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes

How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes

We’ve had a lot of books about relationships, but none has ever made you laugh like that.

Belinda Luscombe has been writing about relationships for Time magazine for 20 years. And she actively practiced them: her marriage is almost 30 years old. So she discovered six areas that cause the most problems – everyone: intimacy, quarrels, finances, family, sex, mutual assistance.

In the book “Happiness Together” – instructions for technical inspection of relationships. Is everything going as it should or is it time to “change the oil”? There are many situations from family life in which you will probably recognize yourself, and tips to fix anything that is junk. With a fair amount of humor.

Do we have envelopes?

Happiness together

“My husband Jeremy does it with envelopes,” Belinda says. – Every time he asks if we have envelopes, although I have already shown him a thousand times where they are. On the shelf. Next to the handles. So what? My husband, going to send a letter, each time asks: “Do we have envelopes?”

Why can some trifle, insignificant imperfection in a loved one drive you to a frenzy? Because a wedding is not a happy ending at all. Married life is like clearing a path of snow: you start out full of enthusiasm, but it turns out that the activity requires much more endurance.

Of course, people get tired of relationships. This is as natural as the fact that food goes bad and the fire goes out. But we have learned to preserve food and keep the fire going. So you can come to an agreement with nature.

We are Incorporated

Imagine your marriage is a business partnership, “We Are Incorporated.” You manage finances together. Manage children together. Both of you are managers of your property – apartments, villas, cars. You combine the duties of a chef, taxi driver, travel agent and teacher.

Use proximity as a weapon, not a weapon. Cultivate a team spirit – it helps you achieve results in tedious and tedious tasks. Discuss resentments and grievances. This means that you spend time with a person not because it is pleasant, but because you create something together – a marriage, a family, a couple.

This is called “relational thinking,” and it is the key to a long and happier marriage.

Two imperfections

Children are a laborious project, like putting together a three-dimensional puzzle, which also snaps and throws dirty clothes all over the apartment. One mother once said that upbringing is as much teamwork as robbing a bank: “One is robbing, the other is driving a car that will be used to get away.”

But remember, you are not together because of the children. Sometimes go on vacation without them. And remind yourself that it’s a good idea to nominate your partner sometimes.

Belinda Luscombe: “When my husband was looking after my son, the son fell out of the bed. When I was looking after my son, the baby fell out of the stroller. And which of us is the worst parent? ” – Source

If you think your partner is a lousy parent, try to moderate the criticism. After all, your skills are hardly perfect. This is the great meaning of having two parents: they bridge each other’s shortcomings.

Have a fight? Eat something

Belinda once asked Mark Zuckerberg what changed when Sheryl Sandberg, the first woman on the board, came to Facebook. Mark said: after her arrival, they forgot what hunger is. She made sure that there was always food on the tables during meetings.

Here’s a lesson from one of the richest women in the world: Never start an important conversation on an empty stomach.

If the relationship is broken

“Repairing” a marriage is exhausting. Sometimes it seems that getting a divorce is easier, as it is easier to buy new headphones than to untangle the wires from those that are. But think about this.

Scientists found 645 unhappy couples, and after 5 years they interviewed them. It turned out that those who got divorced did not feel happier than those who kept their marriage. And the couples who stayed together were glad they hadn’t parted.

Our thinking is aimed at solving problems, although in reality we need a different kind of thinking, “carousel”: now your horse is down, but wait a little – and it will rise again.

What else

The book “Happiness Together” will surely appeal to those who appreciate humor. Belinda will make you laugh more than once and look at relationships from a different – more funny – angle. Family life can be boring, it can be difficult, but add a healthy dose of self-irony and it turns out that everything is not so bad.

Despite the humor, the conversation will go on the most serious topics, and you will find a lot of practical advice.

  • Life lessons from the cat litter box
  • “Financial violence against a partner”: how not to swear over money
  • After hardship comes real hardship: parenting
  • What the marriage ninja do
  • Marriage without sex: the intimate side of union
  • What to do if cheating occurs

We don’t find soul mates like beautiful seashells on the beach. We become soul mates. One of us is waves, the other is sand, and together we form a wonderful beach. Marriage means that you have tied your destiny with someone and said to this person: “It looks like the journey with you will be exciting.” So make it that way.

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How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes

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Not to do, but to be | 10 thoughts of Tit Nat Khan that put everything in its place



Not to do, but to be | 10 thoughts of Tit Nat Khan that put everything in its place
Not to do, but to be | 10 thoughts of Tit Nat Khan that put everything in its placeTit Nat Khan’s books are always small, with short chapters and simple words. But you read them – and it is as if you are looking into a bottomless well. And suddenly you realize that everything is simple in the world. How have we not noticed this before?

This article contains 10 thoughts from the new book The Art of Living. They make their way to the spinal cord.

We are our breath

We think, work, breathe, and it seems to us that behind these actions there is “someone” who performs them. But when the wind blows, there is no one who would do it for him. It’s just the wind: if it doesn’t blow, then it doesn’t. By saying that it is raining, we do not mean that the rain was created by someone. There is just rain and it comes.

If a cloud does not float across the sky, then it is not a cloud, and if the flower does not bloom, then it is not a flower.

There is no isolated unit that “produces” thinking or breathing. – Source.

Behind our actions is not a person or something that we could consider our “I”. When we breathe, we are our breath. When we act, we are our actions. In the process of working and thinking, we represent work and thoughts.

Lust for action

Some people say, “Don’t just sit there – do something!” But you can say in another way: “Don’t do something just like that – sit down!”. Stopping, staying calm, and practicing mindfulness change our being. By transforming anger and anxiety, we gain the energy of calmness, understanding and compassion that becomes the basis of our actions.


Aimlessness does not mean inaction. It means that you stop chasing anything. Freed from the objects of desires and attractions, we realize that happiness and freedom are available right now.

Focusing on aimlessness involves immersing yourself in the here and now. As you practice it, you find everything you were striving for in the present moment.

Right now, you are the person you wanted to become.

Learn to be

My name Nat Khan translates to “one action”. For a long time I tried to understand what this means. Then an insight came to me: my action is to be calm and to give calmness to others. We are used to treating everything from the position of doing, and not from the position of being. It seems to us that by doing nothing, we are wasting time. But this is not the case.

In our life, we must first of all be. Which ones? Alive, calm, joyful, loving. This is what the world needs most.

Not to do, but to be | 10 thoughts of Tit Nat Khan that put everything in its place
The quality of being determines the quality of our actions. – Source


When ancient people first started walking and running, they were either chasing someone or running away from someone. The energy of chase and flight is built into every cell of our body. Today we do not need to hunt, fight, or run away from danger, but we still invest the same energy in our movements.

Try to walk as if your destination is at every step.

We turned from Homo erectus into Homo sapiens, and now we have every chance to become Homo conscious – attentive and awake people. Representatives of this species will walk in freedom, because walking in calm and freedom is a great way to combine the absolute and historical dimensions and finally stop their run.

Too many thoughts

The philosopher Rene Descartes tried to prove that “I” exists by proclaiming: “I think, therefore I am.” Of course, one cannot deny thinking and the fact that this process takes place. However, the problem is overthinking.

People think about the past day and worry about tomorrow, and these thoughts distract from the present moment, from “here and now.” When we fall into the trap of thinking, our mind seems to leave the body, losing touch with reality. Therefore, it would be more accurate to say this:

I think (too much), therefore I exist (but do not live my life).

Nothing fades away

The first law of thermodynamics – the law of conservation of energy – says: nothing can be created or destroyed, everything undergoes transformation. Therefore, it is a mistake to think that after death we will disappear. While we are alive, our life is energy, however, even after death, we remain energy. It is constantly changing and transforming, but it does not disappear anywhere.

It cannot be assumed that there is nothing after death. Something cannot become nothing.

We can address our loved ones with the words: “I know that you are here. I breathe for you, I smile for you. I know that you are still there and continue to live in me. ” – Source

Having lost a loved one, we grieve for him, but focusing on emptiness and unsignedness allows us to look deeply and understand that he still exists – within us and next to us. He’s real. We have not lost it. A loved one can be recognized in a different form, sometimes even more beautiful than before.

No need to become a lotus

Many of us want to succeed, to be the first in everything. It seems to us that happiness can be found only by becoming number one. But to achieve this goal, you have to devote your life to work. You stop seeing family members and friends, you don’t have time for yourself, for maintaining your health.

You have to make a choice: do you want to be the best or to be happy? You can become a victim of success, but you cannot become a victim of your own happiness.

but to be
We can allow ourselves to find peace – to be in peace |  Source

As you embark on the path of happiness, you are more likely to be successful at work. As you gain inner peace, your performance will also increase. But for this you need to make happiness your priority. Accept yourself for who you are. You don’t need to become someone else, just like a rose doesn’t need to become a lotus to be happy. Like the rose, you are already beautiful.


We all have the ability to experience calmness and lightness. But if you do not develop it, the energy of lightness can be weak. Will you be able to remember the moments when you really felt at ease? Can you create moments like this?

You should breathe so that each inhalation and exhalation is pleasant and calm.

By filling the breathing process with joy, happiness and peace, we can stop and immerse ourselves in the present moment. It will heal us. But if we are still striving to achieve something, then we still cannot stop, even if the object of our aspirations is good health or self-control.

No one can create happiness for us

When you wake up in the morning, you can choose where to start your day. I recommend starting the day with a smile. Why? Because you are alive and received 24 hours more as a gift. A new day is a real gift of fate. Rejoice in him and promise that you will live these hours to the fullest and not waste them.

Every day is filled with wonderful activities: we walk, breathe, eat breakfast and go to the toilet.

The art of living means the ability to be happy at any moment. No one will create happiness for us. We have to create it ourselves. With care and gratitude, this is possible right now.

Based on the book “The Art of Living”

Not to do, but to be | 10 thoughts of Tit Nat Khan that put everything in its place

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