How to teach your husband to be the head of the family
How to stop “dragging everything” and feel like a weak woman without pretending to be silly or inept? Only 6 steps to motivate your husband.
In case you want to feel like a weak woman, but not in a dressing gown and in the kitchen, but in heels and with an armful of roses, we give step-by-step instructions on how to encourage your husband to take on greater responsibility for the family.
Legal equality of the sexes is without doubt one of the greatest achievements of our time. But there are also excesses in the form of purposeful women who manage to shine at two jobs, raise children and do household chores, as well as their husbands who are not eager to share all the hardships of life with their beloved. How to change the distribution of responsibilities in a couple? Easy!
Praise him in front of other people
Parents, neighbors, friends and colleagues should be informed about your spouse’s competencies. He was right, he foresaw, he found, he negotiated, he could, he took care. Of course, your words should be sincere, just learn to emphasize what women usually do not praise their husbands for, taking their actions for granted.
The expected effect. The husband and everyone around you will quickly realize how much you are proud of him. The effect will be stronger if you yourself do not miss – respect for a beautiful, smart and self-sufficient wife is very much appreciated in our emancipated time. Your men will start to listen to your opinion, and this will force him to maintain his authority.
Give up control
Most often, men are better at handling a hammer drill, and women with gardening. But it happens and vice versa. It doesn’t matter who is responsible for what in your family, it is important that you clearly define each other’s responsibilities and follow them. The husband can cope with his household chores either himself or hire specialists, in any case this is his area of responsibility. If you are impatient, you can express your opinion on how to properly lay the tiles in the bathroom – but only if asked.
Expected effect. If, after the distribution of responsibilities, you still control your husband, then you will soon have to do everything yourself again. Let your husband treat the family as his personal project, where he is absolutely necessary, sees the results of his efforts and has the right to make a mistake – no one is following him.
Trust your husband to raise children
Let’s be honest, in the modern world there are not so many exclusively male responsibilities left. All of them are associated with hard physical labor, the overwhelming majority of citizens no longer need it. Therefore, it is necessary to expand the responsibilities of men at the expense of women’s competencies.
You can entrust your husband with the choice of gifts for your and his parents or the choice of a place for family vacation. Better yet, involve him in some aspects of parenting. For example, to the issue of children’s health. Let the spouse control the vaccination schedule, communication with the pediatrician and specialized specialists. He himself will grow up as soon as he realizes that he is responsible for the child, not abstractly, but very concretely.
You can also make your husband responsible for bathing the baby. Be sure to emphasize that his participation is necessary – “the child cries if I wash it”, “I do not have time to prepare dinner”, “the child is waiting for you” and so on. Plus, the spouse can be fully responsible for choosing a sports section for the child and communication with the trainer – for sure, he will even like it.
Expected effect. Perhaps the most difficult thing for a woman is to delegate the sphere of children’s education. However, doing this is extremely useful even if your task is not to make your husband more responsible. The trusting relationship of a son or daughter with a father is very important for a healthy child’s psyche.
Ask him for help
Yes, we can do a lot. But we do not always want to. Therefore, asking for help from the person closest to you, to seem weak and vulnerable, is beneficial for both parties. In the end, we get married to make our life easier, and not vice versa. Ask him to carry heavy bags and meet you after work.
This is necessary so that the man feels responsible for his wife, understands that next to him is a man who needs to be taken care of and cherished. A woman does not have to pretend to be clumsy or stupid, she can have a successful career and fifth dan in karate, but by demonstrating a desire to take care of herself, a woman encourages a man to be more masculine and mature.
Expected effect. Remember that the language of nuances and semitones is good with men in candy-bouquet times. If you are already married, then talk about your desires to be extremely specific. Don’t put it like this: “Buy something tasty for dinner” if you don’t want to get a bucket of fries and burgers. Immediately say clearly, “how much to weigh in grams.”
Consult with your husband
Refrain from making decisions that relate to family life alone. Even in matters of cooking dinner, you need to consult with your half, so that he understands that his opinion is extremely important. Let the people around you understand that all decisions in your family are made together.
Whether the child’s teacher proposes to introduce an elective or tutoring, whether the senior at the entrance asks to chip in for a video surveillance system, whether a friend calls on families to go on vacation – all the people around should hear “I will consult with my husband.” When all the acquaintances understand who is the authority in your family, they will turn to him with requests and suggestions, making him feel his importance and freeing you a lot of time.
Expected effect. Agree, if you are constantly expected to make decisions, it’s not so easy to play computer games all day or hang out with friends. He will understand that not only you, but also the “public” is waiting for his decisions and firmness. Then the times will come when a woman will think about going to a beautician more than buying corrugated board for a summer residence. A man, on the contrary, is busy making informed decisions for the benefit of the family.
Do not be a demanding mentor
Let’s say you have learned to demonstrate to others “who is the boss in your house.” But do not criticize your husband as soon as the door slams behind your friends. Remember, you cannot point out to the “head of the family” at every step of his mistakes. Even though he bought the wrong sort of apples and again forgot to unscrew the safety wheels from the children’s bike, this is not a reason to speak from a position of superiority.
Expected effect. Behind careful monitoring of husband’s duties, do not forget about your role for the family – to be support, give tenderness and encouragement. After all, this man returns to your house every day for sure not only for the regular removal of the trash can.
How to teach your husband to be the head of the family
How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelope
How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes
We’ve had a lot of books about relationships, but none has ever made you laugh like that.
Belinda Luscombe has been writing about relationships for Time magazine for 20 years. And she actively practiced them: her marriage is almost 30 years old. So she discovered six areas that cause the most problems – everyone: intimacy, quarrels, finances, family, sex, mutual assistance.
In the book “Happiness Together” – instructions for technical inspection of relationships. Is everything going as it should or is it time to “change the oil”? There are many situations from family life in which you will probably recognize yourself, and tips to fix anything that is junk. With a fair amount of humor.
Do we have envelopes?
“My husband Jeremy does it with envelopes,” Belinda says. – Every time he asks if we have envelopes, although I have already shown him a thousand times where they are. On the shelf. Next to the handles. So what? My husband, going to send a letter, each time asks: “Do we have envelopes?”
Why can some trifle, insignificant imperfection in a loved one drive you to a frenzy? Because a wedding is not a happy ending at all. Married life is like clearing a path of snow: you start out full of enthusiasm, but it turns out that the activity requires much more endurance.
Of course, people get tired of relationships. This is as natural as the fact that food goes bad and the fire goes out. But we have learned to preserve food and keep the fire going. So you can come to an agreement with nature.
We are Incorporated
Imagine your marriage is a business partnership, “We Are Incorporated.” You manage finances together. Manage children together. Both of you are managers of your property – apartments, villas, cars. You combine the duties of a chef, taxi driver, travel agent and teacher.
Use proximity as a weapon, not a weapon. Cultivate a team spirit – it helps you achieve results in tedious and tedious tasks. Discuss resentments and grievances. This means that you spend time with a person not because it is pleasant, but because you create something together – a marriage, a family, a couple.
This is called “relational thinking,” and it is the key to a long and happier marriage.
Children are a laborious project, like putting together a three-dimensional puzzle, which also snaps and throws dirty clothes all over the apartment. One mother once said that upbringing is as much teamwork as robbing a bank: “One is robbing, the other is driving a car that will be used to get away.”
But remember, you are not together because of the children. Sometimes go on vacation without them. And remind yourself that it’s a good idea to nominate your partner sometimes.
Belinda Luscombe: “When my husband was looking after my son, the son fell out of the bed. When I was looking after my son, the baby fell out of the stroller. And which of us is the worst parent? ” – Source
If you think your partner is a lousy parent, try to moderate the criticism. After all, your skills are hardly perfect. This is the great meaning of having two parents: they bridge each other’s shortcomings.
Have a fight? Eat something
Belinda once asked Mark Zuckerberg what changed when Sheryl Sandberg, the first woman on the board, came to Facebook. Mark said: after her arrival, they forgot what hunger is. She made sure that there was always food on the tables during meetings.
Here’s a lesson from one of the richest women in the world: Never start an important conversation on an empty stomach.
If the relationship is broken
“Repairing” a marriage is exhausting. Sometimes it seems that getting a divorce is easier, as it is easier to buy new headphones than to untangle the wires from those that are. But think about this.
Scientists found 645 unhappy couples, and after 5 years they interviewed them. It turned out that those who got divorced did not feel happier than those who kept their marriage. And the couples who stayed together were glad they hadn’t parted.
Our thinking is aimed at solving problems, although in reality we need a different kind of thinking, “carousel”: now your horse is down, but wait a little – and it will rise again.
The book “Happiness Together” will surely appeal to those who appreciate humor. Belinda will make you laugh more than once and look at relationships from a different – more funny – angle. Family life can be boring, it can be difficult, but add a healthy dose of self-irony and it turns out that everything is not so bad.
Despite the humor, the conversation will go on the most serious topics, and you will find a lot of practical advice.
- Life lessons from the cat litter box
- “Financial violence against a partner”: how not to swear over money
- After hardship comes real hardship: parenting
- What the marriage ninja do
- Marriage without sex: the intimate side of union
- What to do if cheating occurs
We don’t find soul mates like beautiful seashells on the beach. We become soul mates. One of us is waves, the other is sand, and together we form a wonderful beach. Marriage means that you have tied your destiny with someone and said to this person: “It looks like the journey with you will be exciting.” So make it that way.
PS Do you want to know about the most interesting books and get discounts on new items? Subscribe to our newsletter. The first letter contains a gift.
How not to swear over money, children, sex and paper envelopes
Get more stuff
Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.
Thank you for subscribing.
Something went wrong.