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What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

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What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

The first acquaintance cannot be repeated, but the first impression cannot be corrected. To please your spouse’s parents, don’t make these mistakes.

The first acquaintance cannot be repeated, but the first impression is corrected. To please the parents of your half, do not make these mistakes. We list what you can’t do.


Show inappropriate clothing

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

Shot from the film “Easy Behavior” (2008)

They meet, as you know, by clothes, and it is important for your half’s parents to make sure that you are at least able to take care of your appearance. Do not come in untidy, crumpled and soiled clothes, ripped jeans, worn shoes – your potential relatives might think that you simply do not respect them. Too sexy and revealing outfits and flashy makeup at family gatherings will also be completely inappropriate – you will immediately be recorded as a windy person, and questions of fidelity in your couple will be questioned. Do not shock anyone, your clothes should be neat, modest and showing your good taste.

Come empty handed

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

Shot from the film “Crazy Wedding” (2014)

Of course, expensive gifts will be unnecessary and may lead your parents to think that you want to bribe them, but a bouquet of flowers and a cake is an elementary gesture of courtesy. Find out in advance the preferences of households: mom will appreciate half if you give her favorite lilies. If the meeting takes place on a holiday, you can make small presentations to your future relatives: exclusive coffee and tea, elegant figurines, something related to their hobbies (wool for knitting, car accessories, embroidery kits), small jewelry souvenirs – for example , silver earrings with cubic zirkonia for mom or tie clip for dad.

Play the role

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

Scene from the film “Meet the Parents” (2000)

In the desire to like at the first meeting, it is important not to go too far and not try on roles that are not typical for you. Girls can play hostesses, lovers of cutting and sewing or avid theater-goers, and men – without five minutes of millionaires and intellectuals in the fifth generation, but the lie will still be revealed immediately. Your pursuit of excellence looks ridiculous from the outside, so just be yourself. Or rather, the best version of ourselves.

Breach personal boundaries

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

Shot from the film “Father of the Bride” (1991)

If you come home to your parents half – this is not your territory, you don’t need to rush to cut meat in your own way, open cabinets and set the table. This is impolite and suggests that you are running away from communication, hiding behind kitchen chores. Of course, it is necessary to offer help, but unobtrusively. Also, many young people without permission go to “you”, “dad” or “mother” – this is not worth doing. If the dad of your passion asked to call him Petya, then you can refer to him that way, but if he introduced himself as Pyotr Ivanovich, then call him by his first name and patronymic and be sure to use “you”.

Pounce on food or poke around in a plate

Shot from the movie “Hello Family”

Your parents shouldn’t get the impression that you came to them exclusively to eat. Do not look in the refrigerator, do not sit down at the table first and do not crush everything. In general, according to recent studies, the groom’s relatives are wary of girls with an excessively good appetite. But you can’t go to the other extreme either: if you pick arugula salad with a lean mine all evening, then the relatives of the half will think about your health or decide that you did not like anything. Be sure to try (at least slightly) all the dishes and praise the table.

Show passion

Shot from the film “Father of the Bride” (1991)

It is a mistake to think that the best way to show your feelings to your parents is to kiss passionately and clamp in the corners. This will cause rejection among the parents, because for them their child is still their child, and not the object of someone’s passion. Do not mention the intimate life, for most parents it will be unpleasant, and refrain from “bunnies”, “fish” and “seals”. However, it is also not worth keeping cold – light touches and touching signs of attention to your loved one will show that you are dear to each other.

Criticize your partner

Shot from the film “Wedding rout” (2011)

In no case do not share with your parents the painful: they say that forever Dima has no time for me, and he doesn’t take off his socks, and he’s not used to washing dishes with himself. Or vice versa: your Helen, of course, is lovely, but how she cooks … Remember: no matter how fair your arguments may be, parents will always be on the side of their child – that’s the point. And they will remember your complaints well … and later they will remember. Therefore, criticism, including gentle teasing, is a strict taboo. After all, for any mom and dad, your clothes, manners and education are not so important as your attitude to their child – most of all they want him to be happy. Show how you value your soul mate and their hearts will melt instantly.

Get drunk

A scene from the film “Meet the Fockers” (2004)

The worst thing you can do while dealing with your anxiety is to drink. A glass of wine will liberate you, but no more – otherwise you will immediately fall into the category of abusers, and who needs such relatives? Refrain from demonstrating other bad habits. Find out in advance how your relatives’ attitude towards smoking is: if they do not tolerate the smell of tobacco, then it is better to do without cigarettes.

Get involved in an argument

Shot from the film “If Mother-in-Law is a Monster” (2005)

In order not to make enemies in the face of the family of your half, avoid sharp topics. You should not arrange discussions about the political situation, constitutional amendments and religious issues. Learn to get away from arguments beautifully and change the subject if your parents begin to probe your views. Transfer the conversation to the dish you like, or better, to their child: this is the most desirable topic for talking with any parents. They will probably want to show old albums and talk about children’s pranks. If a conflict of interest does arise in the conversation, then defend your point of view gently and with respect for the opinion of elders.

Talking about money

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

Shot from the film “Guess Who?” (2005)

Do not focus on the material and social situation of the family. It’s one thing to praise a house, it’s another to ask how much the renovation and furniture cost. Do not give a reason to consider yourself a mercantile person who uses his partner as a lifesaver to solve financial problems.

Speak only about yourself or be silent

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

The exemplary son of Leonardo DiCaprio at one time left Blake Lively precisely because she made a bad impression when meeting his mother, talking only about herself. Do not repeat other people’s mistakes, this theater of one actor is completely useless! It’s even worse – sitting silently, like a statue, or burrowing into your smartphone: your parents may think that you are ignoring them. Keep up the conversation, be attentive to your potential relatives, let them talk about their interests. Feel free to ask them about life – they will be pleased.

What not to do when meeting your parents for the first time

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5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

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5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

All happy families are alike – because they have learned to overcome the same problems. We figure out what mistakes we all make in marriage sooner or later.

All happy families are similar to each other because they have learned to overcome the same difficulties. We will tell you what rake you will sooner or later step on.


Trap # 1. “We are inferior to each other in everything”

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

It’s one thing to compromise on the choice of dinner or movie, and quite another – on the really important things. We all copy our parent’s family model in terms of role allocation. It’s good when young spouses were brought up in more or less the same conditions (earlier they called it “people of the same circle”), but what if not?

What if the mother of the newlywed was in charge of her husband all her life, and the newlywed himself grew up in the family of a colonel? Or was the mother of the bride a sought-after specialist and disappeared at work, and the mother of the young spouse taught him to have socks ironed on both sides? There is a conflict of interests and it is no longer so easy to give in to each other.

There is an exit! The firmware of the parental family is a serious legacy that has broken more than one fate. If you jointly realize that you do not “coincide” in your views on housekeeping and the distribution of roles, try to document the points of your disagreements on paper. Remember that there are things that you are able to change, and there are deep contradictions that, alas, can only be accepted or released with the person.

Do you disagree on the questions of who takes out the trash can, do you need a TV in the house and where to spend your vacation – in the mountains or at the sea? This can be solved as soon as you begin to form your own, unlike anyone else’s picture of relationships. Another thing is fundamental disagreements like: “I do not want and do not want children” or “I want to build a career, not run a household.” Compromises in such matters will mean suppression of your personal goals and interests, and this is too high a price to pay for a family idyll.

Trap number 2. “We are so happy”

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

No matter how much time has passed since the beginning of your life together, all couples fall into this trap and it is impossible to overcome it, you can only keep it under control. Her name is routine. At first glance, everything is wonderful. The husband is well-fed and happy, the children are combed and trained, the loans are paid, every Saturday – to visit their mother.

What’s next for the plot of this tale? Obviously, there is only a joint expectation of death in one day. You miss, he misses, but you cannot confess to each other, because everything is very good, live and be happy.

There is an exit! It is not for nothing that everyone around is talking about leaving the comfort zone. This is the only way we develop, because from time to time we need to shake up our relationship. You can start a small family business to get adrenaline there. Or get a little risky hobby – rock climbing, rafting, or, at worst, team quests.

To maintain the fire, surprise is important – to run away from work on a date (with each other!), Leave an unexpected love message, sing a serenade under the window so as to wake up the neighbors. Do not forget to emerge from time to time from their gray everyday life in order to take a breath of fresh air together.

Trap number 3. “We do everything together”

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

There is an opinion that spouses are obliged to spend all their free time together, to have common interests, since this is the best way to strengthen relationships. Well, if your husband is a football player and your wife is a football fan, then you, no doubt, have something to discuss over evening tea.

But if this is not the case, if you have non-overlapping hobbies, you should not panic and rush to extremes – during the day we learn to bochat, in the evening we make jigs from wire.

There is an exit! Accept that you are individuals with different interests and breathe calmly. By being distracted by your hobbies and interests, you actually strengthen your marriage. By relieving stress, you manage to miss each other and keep only your personal world, which does not allow you to “dissolve” in the family.

Perfectly fitted couples who love playing Crocodile and making speed cupcakes live instead of only about two hours, and even then in a mediocre romantic comedy.

Trap number 4. “We know how to put up”

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

All passionate and loving people step on this insidious rake. The thing is that some reconciliation is so good that spouses deliberately start bullying each other for the sake of a fight. Over time, both go into a rage and forbidden techniques are used – blows on the patient, unconstructive criticism and even insults.

And now everything from the game turns into a real offense. It will be possible to put up with it further, but the alienation mechanism has already started – the crack between you is getting deeper and deeper. At one point, you run the risk of noticing that you do not want to quarrel, put up with, or be with your once loved one.

There is an exit! Do not abuse frequent quarrels for the sake of a breath of adrenaline, it is much easier to learn how to jump with a parachute than to glue the shards of past love. It is worthwhile to come to your senses in time, stop considering quarrels in marriage as a matter of necessity and learn how to resolve disagreements peacefully, for example, introduce a “family council” on important issues.

Trap 5: “We are not talking about money”

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

Conflicts over money lead the list of reasons for divorce applications. Sooner or later you will fall into this trap. Either there are too few of them, or the spouse is spending on the wrong things.

At first, pooling budgets can be stressful for both. It’s hard when instead of new shoes you need to buy wallpaper or help your mother. His mom. Or you have to stay in an unloved job (instead of dreaming of getting another education), because it is well paid, because the wife went on maternity leave.

There is an exit! If you, like a couple from an anecdote, counted the money presented for the wedding on their wedding night, you are on the right track in the matter of family financial literacy. Yes, you need to openly discuss all the important things – will you have a common budget or everyone will have their own, will you create a financial “cushion” or prefer to spend savings on travel and entertainment, will you take out loans and how you plan to pay them off.

It may happen that the husband does not intend to disclose to his wife the amount of his income at all, and the wife, in turn, is sure that her salary is her salary, and the man is obliged to bear the daily expenses. A good solution would be to use modern tools, for example, opening a general savings account and an account for current expenses with connected auto payments.

5 traps that all married couples fall into | Happy Families

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